Archie Andrews ruins his future.

Veronica? Duuuude. Srsly? Archie, c'mere. We need to talk. Listen, I know she's hot. We all know she's hot. Even Moose, who's been stuck on Midge since we were all kids, knows that Veronica is hella good lookin'. But let's get real for a second, shall we? She's kicked you to the curb more times than I can count. She's used Reggie to get at you, and she's generally the same, superficial gold digger we've always considered her to be. Betty's in tears, man, and she should be. Talk about being left out in the cold. She's never done a single thing that didn't have your best interest at heart, my man. And when you're 40...which granted may be another 250 years from now...you're going to think about her every single day.

These are the words that would come out of my mouth if Archie Andrews and I were sitting across from each other at the lunch table at Riverdale High. See, I grew up with Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, Reggie and the gang and even though the jokes were tired they always made me laugh out loud at least once per comic. And though I didn't realize it at the time, the sexual tension between Betty, Archie and Ronnie was the key to the whole appeal of the comic. And now it's all but gone. And it's all wrong.

Even though Veronica has the look she's really not much more than that. She's famously avaricious, flighty and fickle. Betty's a rock. She has a great heart and an easy smile. She cares about nothing but Archie, and he has repaid her by doing his thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy. We all know how often that works out well, don't we guys?

It's a sad ending to this saga...but perhaps a twist ending is in the offing. After all, as of now it's just a proposal. An engagement. An arrangement that can be called off with just a conversation.

Who knows? Maybe by fall we'll be talking about a drunken bachelor party and a trip to Iowa where Archie finally, indellibly solidifies his long-time love for...Jughead?